Hitting your siblings with no consequences.
The only acceptable form of physical retaliation.
The calming whir of your PC as the disk loaded in the drive.
Who needs school when you’ve got your Jumpstart pals?
Making smudgy tongue tattoos with Fruit Roll-Ups
“What’s that on your tongue?”
“It’s a smiley face.”
“It looks deformed.”
Spying on people before the NSA made it uncool.
When you channeled your inner James Bond, not even the government could reveal you.
Playing a game to see how long you could go without tripping.
Skip-It was the perfect way to ruin your frilly lace socks.
The scent of melted plastic and chemicals looming throughout your house.
All for the sake of your creepy creations.
Flipping through the pages of Animorphs books to watch children transform into blue centaurs.
These books were GIFs in their primordial form.
Patiently waiting for your monthly subscription from ZooBooks to arrive.
Due to an unfortunate clerical error, you received two copies of Wild Horses, and never got the Dolphin edition.
Uttering the only French you know.
Years later, this phrase will be replaced with: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?”
The fact that we’ve lived 13 long years without the delicious nectar of the gods that is Fruitopia.
99% sugar, 1% fruit.
Flocking to your local Burger King so you could get your crown.
Feeling like a king or queen while feasting on nuggets
Then collecting all the Rugrats watches.
It didn’t matter if you had the Angelica watch, you needed the Reptar one!
And catching all the Pokeballs.
Gotta collect them all for the nominal feel of $1.99 each!
Voluntarily giving yourself the spins without any alcohol.
Get ready to spin until you throw up.
The blasphemous lies of Loreal.
Real eyes, realize, the real lies of Loreal.
Freaking out over Uh-oh! Oreos
When in reality, it was basically a Keebler cookie with the Oreo stamp.
Realizing your heart was not as strong as iron.
Rolling up to lunch with a kickass lunchbox and thermos.
There was no better way to express yourself than with your lunchtime accessories.
Sniping suckers back into the pool.
A day at the pool was not complete without a war of Super Soakers.
The excitement of racing to the library to nab one of these big guys.
But you couldn’t check it out since it was a reference book, so you’d skim quickly for the whole library period.
Navigating the card catalog system
And then putting your Dewey Decimal System skills to the test.
Gulping down some delicious Bug Juice.
One sip, two sip, three sip, you rotted out all your teeth.
Feeling the wind blow through your hair as you power through all terrains.
Ah, the freedom of the open road, as long as the battery was charged.
Snuggling up in a themed sleeping bag.
It was dire that you had the coolest sleeping bag at the slumber party.
Screaming at someone across a game board rather than through a headset.
The phrase “I’m going to destroy everything you’ve ever loved” has more power when someone can see the fires of hatred burning in your eyes.
The fact that someone would put this nasty abomination on their food.
Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.
Bouncing happily in place while strapped into your moon shoes because walking in them was a bitch.
The greatest pleasure was knocking your friends over to watch them struggle to stand back up in those bad boys.
Treating your Sound Story book like a beatpad
It made reading fun and kickstarted your dreams of being a DJ when you’d hit all the buttons.
Mentally planning out your own Nickelodeon Super Toy Run.
Such jealousy and envy when those lucky bastards got to grab whatever they wanted.
Waiting in line after lunch to stock up on supplies.
Saving up your milk money so you can get that milky gel pen!
Tuning in at scheduled times for your favorite TV show and having to wait for a rerun if you missed it.
Television shows just aren’t the same these days.
The innocence of youth.
Newsflash: It doesn’t.
Now it’s time to go cry, you’re welcome.